Who Carries Your Heart?
I am an introvert. That doesn’t mean that I don’t like people or to be around people. It just means that I don’t mind being alone. I actually get energized by being by myself. For me, this means I enjoy writing and reading, and thinking over things. I have friends who love adventure, others who love to work hard, and still others who just love being with people! But for me? I really like more contemplative activities like quiet, one-on-one talks over coffee, writing, journaling, early morning silence, scripture, and prayer, and on our front porch in the evening, enjoying the serenity of being outside with the cicadas, owls, and fireflies. Then it can be no surprise that matters of the heart catch my attention. I have even found myself attracted to heart-shaped things. I suppose they remind me of the love of God that I carry in mine.
I’m actually attracted to many kinds of hearts: the alive beating ones within people’s chests as well as heart-shaped objects I can hold in my hand. I believe this tenderness developed because my own heart has been tended to so well by those who have loved me and I know the heart is where I have met and believed God.
And this much I know. I cannot carry my own heart. It is too full, heavy, broken, and complex. I need Someone bigger than I am to take care of it…to take care of me.
Just this past July, when our grandchildren went back to Costa Rica I wanted to give them one last thing before they got on the plane. I could have given them a book, puzzle, or game. I could have given them a t-shirt or a Ranger Rick magazine. Those seem more practical for a child. But, instead, I handed each one a little felt heart and told them, “Here’s a heart for you to hold in your hand to help you remember how much your grandma loves you.” A few weeks later, Charles (our seven-year-old) left me a message telling me that he still had my heart and that he loves me too.
Hmm. That feels great.
I have a palm-sized red wooden heart that I pick up each morning during my time with God. I hold it in my hand to remind me that I am loved by the gentle and lowly Jesus, my Father God. It is easy to forget all this in the busyness of the days and sometimes I need a solid piece of wood in my hand to kinesthetically tell my body that I am not inadequate. I am not lesser-than. I am loved and that is that. It has become a part of my morning routine. I’ve taken God’s words to Israel into my own heart: “I have loved you with an everlasting love. I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” (Jeremiah 31:3) My morning time is my own way of saying to God, as Charles said to me, “I’ve still got your heart and I love you too.”
A few weeks ago, we were in Colorado, trekking up rugged mountain trails that led to breathtaking beauty. Amazing magnificence. As we walked along we were often surprised at the number of rocks that filled those paths, commenting often on how many there were and how difficult it was to navigate the trail because of them. Wishing to look up at the wonders around us, we often had to keep our eyes on our feet to keep from tripping. The thing is, after the tedious stepping up to view gorgeous lakes and wildflowers, we had to turn around and step back down on those very same rocks. It was hard on my big toe just inside those hiking boots!
Because there were so many rocks, I thought I would surely find a heart-shaped rock somewhere along the way! I found the search to be quite tedious so I pretty much gave up on it.
But on our very last hike at the end of our time in Colorado, I looked down and could hardly believe my eyes! It was as though a huge heart had been carved and placed right at my feet.
Just like when I placed the pink hearts in my grandchildren’s hands, God seemed to have placed this heart-shaped rock in my path to remind me. “I see you. I love you. Don’t forget.”
Can you believe it? It looks hand-fashioned. (Perhaps it was!)
I reached down and picked it up, knowing it was for me. As I carried it with me along that mountain trail, I thought about the opening lines from the poem by E.E. Cummings, I Carry Your Heart With Me :
I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart).
I’m never without it.
I found myself feeling happy and remembering my own mother’s heart and how she cared so tenderly for our family and then my own love for my daughter whose heart I quietly pay attention to and pray over. I remembered my own wooden heart at home that reminds me every day of God’s mother-like compassionate love that continues to nurture and remind me. I thought of one of my grandchildren, Annie, as she placed a tiny white heart-shaped rock in my hand with delight all over her darling little face! I thought of the wooden hearts my neighbor makes that I have given away to so many people. Sometimes we just need to be reminded how loved we are!
Even when I fell flat on that trail, I looked up and found that my newly acquired heart was still tightly gripped in my hand. (Don’t worry, I didn’t get hurt. Thankfully I fell on a dirt trail where no rocks littered my way. Whew.)
I have often heard that if God wants to get your attention, he uses repetition. When Jesus says, “Truly, truly,” he really wants you to listen!
Imagine my surprise when, just this week, my neighbor said to me, “Just a minute, I’ve got something for you.” She went to her kitchen and came back saying, “ I think I heard that you like hearts. I found this heart-shaped rock while we were on vacation last week and I brought it for you!”
Can you believe it? I think I am getting the message. I think God wants me to know that I am seen, known, and loved all the way down to my love of heart-shaped things!
Thank you, Holly, for being the messenger.
And thank you, God, for the message. Thank you for being the One who searches hearts (Romans 8:27), and for being the One who looks at hearts (1 Samuel 16:7), and for being the One who dwells in our hearts (Ephesians 3:17), and for being the One who gives us new hearts (Ezekial 36:26) and especially for being the One who carries us…close to your heart.
Isaiah 40:11
He tends his flock like a shepherd;
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
I’m wondering what you do to remember that you are loved by God and how you actually feel that love?
*****
Here’s an idea. Stop for a moment at the end of this reflection. Thinking about the Isaiah verse, above, close your eyes and envision the shepherd tending his flock of sheep. See the open field where they are grazing, the wildflowers nearby. Feel the breeze. Hear the bees buzzing. Imagine now that you are one of his sheep. Find the gaze of the Shepherd as he looks over the flock and then see his eyes rest on you as he walks over to you. He leans over and tenderly picks you up. He gently holds you close to his heart and you realize that he sees your stress, your grief, your anger, as well as your confusion and he just continues to hold you close. to. his. heart. No condemnation. No impatience with you. He just holds you close. Rest there and breathe in the tender care he has for you for as long as you can. Feel his love. Feel the relief it brings to your weary heart. Look for his eyes and his warm smile. Let your heart be tended to. Talk to him if you want. He sees you. He knows you. And, my friend, he loves you with everything he’s got. Slowly come back to today and thank him for whatever you felt during your time with him. I encourage you to reflect a bit, perhaps open your journal. Write out what you want to tell him.
And perhaps, after this, you might want to keep an eye out for hearts. He may be wanting to tell you something. :)
Who holds your heart? I know who holds mine and I am eternally grateful that I don’t have to carry it on my own.
Thanks for reading. I’d love to hear your thoughts on your heart.
Psalm 19:14
May these words of my mouth
and this meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
Lord, my Rock, and my Redeemer.
If you would like to know, here are a few sources of my lovely heart-shaped items: April Derek makes the felt hearts in her Etsy shop. I love to tuck these into fun places to be discovered.
My neighbor, Ben Lucas makes my favorite wooden hearts out of all kinds of different woods. If you want to buy one, I can connect you to him.